Gaining Your Brother (or Sister) (1)

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother” Matthew 18:15

When someone sins against us, I mean, when they really hurt us, we are usually not inclined to do what Jesus says in Matthew 18:15. Maybe we get really quiet or even determine to never speak to them again. Or sometimes we actually desperately need to talk to someone and so we talk to a friend, or everyone about it – everyone except the one person Jesus said to go to first.

Before we start making excuses for not talking to people who sin against us because it is really hard to do, let’s admit that Jesus rarely, if ever, has us do the easy thing. He has just do the righteous thing, whether we find it easy or hard, whether we feel like doing it or not.

Let’s start with the reason before we talk about the action. Jesus optimistically says, “If he hears you, you have gained your brother” (Matt 18:15). The NASB says, “you have won your brother” and the NIV reads, “you have won them over.” This doesn’t mean that it is a contest or that we are trying to win an argument – it’s gaining or winning them in the sense of preserving or restoring the relationship. That’s the gain! That’s the win! Sin has occurred that has strained or broken our relationship – we want to have the relationship – and when the sin is corrected it is a “win” because the familial relationship is restored, we are close again.

If relationships are to exist, communication must occur. “…if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone…” (Matt 18:15). As awkward and uncomfortable as it may be to do this, not doing it won’t gain your brother (or sister). Silence, telling others, gossiping will make things worse and allow them to worsen under the surface.

I’m aware that Matthew 18 goes on to involve more people (and the church), but that’s not where it starts. It begins with “between you and him alone” (then involve others if they won’t hear you). A heartfelt, “I don’t want to lose my brother, I want to gain my brother” approach is where conflicts should begin. It’s not easy because they have sinned against us (in every imaginable and unimaginable way). But it’s about gaining or losing a brother or sister in Christ. It’s about the forgiveness of sins. It’s about more than their offense against us, but also against the Lord. It’s worth going to them. Is there someone you need to talk to?  dd